My husband and I stumbled upon an interesting question the other day. Not even sure how we got there. I think we started by talking about a friend’s pending adoption. Then my honey asked the question, “Do you think you could ever really love someone else’s children as your own?”
First, I nearly laughed. Was he really asking that? But then I did a real gut check. Could I? Back in my pre-kid days, I had long considered I might adopt, but my first husband had said he did not want to because he knew in his heart he could never love someone else’s child as his own.
The funny thing is that I had always thought I could. Looking at it now, I realize I may be romancing things, but I think it would be easier to feel that an adopted child was my own. In that case, I would be the mom. I wouldn’t be the extra parent.
But do I really think I can love my bonus kids as my own? If by love you mean the active verbs that are everyday acts of love, then yes. I am equally likely to attend their school plays, stay up til the wee hours of the morning washing uniforms or baking class treats, buy them school clothes, make their dinners, etc. If by love, you mean that warm fuzzy feeling that melts your heart, then I guess I don’t know yet.
At this point, it still feels like a lot of work without much reward. I’m not the one they call when they have good news. I’m not the one they credit when they accomplish something wonderful. I’m not the one they think of when they get that warm, fuzzy feeling. So, it’s a bit hard to imagine that at the moment. Of course, it may happen someday, but in the meantime, we’ll just hope the question does not arise. And if it does, I’ll answer in the light of love as in the active verb meaning put others’ needs before your own.