Disney dad and a day of tears

The other day I learned that Justin’s dad wants to take him for spring break so he can take him to Arizona on vacation. That was a little tough on me emotionally, but I figured it would be a good opportunity for Justin and since we did not really have any other plans it seemed fair. So, this morning when I dropped off the four youngest kids at school, Justin announced, “Dad is taking me to Arizona for spring break. And this summer he is taking me to Atlantis. Mom used to take me places too, but then she got divorced and now she never takes me anywhere.” Ouch.It was all I could do to get through the rest of the drop off before the tears started falling. And he’s right. I can no longer afford to take him on trips – not because I got divorced – but because I married a man with five kids and though I can afford to take two of us on vacation, I can not afford to take eight of us on vacation.

So, this amazing cloud of guilt came over me. Have I somehow diminished my child’s opportunities by following my own happiness? Is it fair that I can no longer provide for my child in the same way because I have added five children to the dependents column?

And perhaps in the biggest bout of self-pity I cried because I am the one who makes sure my son has socks and underwear and lunch money, that he has done his homework and practiced his piano, but none of that is very exciting or memorable to an eight-year old. So, for now I have to deal with the fact that his dad is Disneyland dad – the one who gets to splurge on trips and feed him noting but junk food and take him to exotic locations that I can’t any longer afford.

I just have to try to be okay with the fact that what I can give him is the company of three sisters and two brothers, and discipline and chores and well… socks. Might not be as glamorous as Disneyland or Atlantis, but I hope one day he will appreciate those things and hope it was all worth it.

About bradybonusmom

I recently combined my family (me and my 7-yr old son) with another family (dad and five kids). Needless to say, this has thrown us into a whole new world. We look a lot like the Brady Bunch - except we don't have an Alice.
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4 Responses to Disney dad and a day of tears

  1. Karaboo says:

    Soooo totally relate to this. I can’t say that it will get any easier, but if you will do what you believe in your heart of hearts to be right, it will all work out….at least, that’s what I keep telling myself.

    One day, I might believe my own words…. 😉

  2. kfinchgnehm says:

    Oh, Debbie. This made me cry. He will appreciate this someday, and remember that his dad only wanted to take him on fancy trips but then handed him off to his mom when the real parenting began. And your expanded family will enrich him in so many other ways. Stay strong.

  3. frostbittenkitten says:

    I can relate. It’s hard when you have other kids and a new family… it’s a new set of responsibilities, expenses, and other people that you have to consider. However, I don’t think it’s uncalled for to ask for some quality alone time with just your child. Maybe just a short weekend trip away somewhere close by, where you can have some quality time together, yet do something fun and memorable…

  4. MediaMomPhD says:

    The “opportunities” for Justin that you say you can no longer afford are not the opportunities that will matter in the long run. Yes, trips are fun, but aren’t really what memories are made of, nor do they make a family. The opportunities that you ARE providing him in your new family- love, love, and love times EIGHT are what he will remember the most when he is grown up!

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